I thought I might write this because I've noticed that Christianity has started to become popular with people I can't stand. Who I consider, frankly, to be serpents whose company will throw my body into hell.

Frankly, I think that if a person does not become a Christian either through having experienced terrible things in their life or through having committed sins that they regret so much that the regret eat them up inside, then the person will never be a true Christian no matter how much they follow any commandments.

If a person does not become a Christian through these two routes, I think that the person is more likely to use God as some kind of extension of their own ego (and dick) and Christianity as their own project focused on cultivating their own covert narcissism.

These people do not convert to Christianity because they want to become better people and would like something from God that brings a natural connection to faith in God and thus to an orthodox Christian lifestyle and mentality. These people are completely beyond salvation. They are "Christians" because they are people who live unchristian lives, wonder why they are lonely in their lives and then they use God as their ego-boost to be even one "friend" who "cares" about them no matter what and they don't think that they must change their lifestyle and mentality. The irony is that God will never be their friend as long as they do not stop their sinful lifestyle and what's even funnier? They accuse those who criticize them of being unchristian, even though the Bible and the church fathers throughout history talk about how exactly they will end up in hell. Okay, then throw your bodies into hell. Then you should not wonder why no Christian likes you, you are not advancing in your theological career or why you can't even get into a monastery.

so okay, what kind of Orthodox Christians am I talking about? I've seen quite a few, for example, Christofascists who think the Holocaust was a nice thing. As if Orthodox Christians weren't also killed in the Holocaust, and do they even know the fuck about the Croatian Ustashe who killed Serbs for their faith if they refused to convert to Catholicism? How does it feel to pay church tax to a church that honors Saint Mary of Paris? a Russian nun who died in concentration camps when she helped Jews out of Nazi-occupied France and offered them baguette bread to eat? That's why she's holding a baguette in her hand in some icons. then what the fuck are all these Greek Christofascists, Mussolini and especially Hitler starved your people.

It's complex describe my relationship with Orthodoxy. I am cultural Orthodox in the sense that I think that it's part of being a Karelian in the same way that's integrated with being russian or greek.

Even though I have deep connection with orthodoxy due my family background, I feel that I am not "real orthodox" in the sense of my lifestyle, views and my beliefs (i am too liberal).

I pray, read the Bible, read religious texts, fast, go to church. In the sense I am more religious than the average person.

I feel that Orthodoxy to me is pretty much a way of dealing all hardships I've experienced in my life, but especially, I feel that Orthodoxy is a strength because I feel enormous guilt for the terrible crimes I have committed. I cannot live with myself. That is why the Jesus Prayer is a very important prayer for my spiritual life.

Direct translations from the Finnish 1992 Church Bible, no English translations capture these verses well:

Galatians 5:24: "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their old nature with its passions and desires."

Excerpt from Psalms 34:19: "...he saves those who are with a wounded mind."

It is usually said that a person becomes religious when they experience terrible things in life, or they themselves do terrible things. I am both.